I am sorry I have not written in a while. The dreaded month
is here, October. I wanted to write on the first but couldn’t bring myself to
do it. A month once filled with joy, excitement and happiness was now a month I
didn’t want to come. Your due date was October 26th. That means as
we go through this month, you could have been born at any time. You could have come
early and I would be holding you on this very day.
Me and your dad’s first anniversary was on the fourth. He
asked if I thought we would be able to get pregnant right away again. I started
crying because this was not the anniversary I expected. I expected one with you
there ready to enter the world. Over all I really enjoyed time with your dad.
Although we see each other every day, I still miss him when I am at work or if
he’s not home right away. This experience has definitely brought us closer than
we have ever been.
I got lab results back yesterday. The high risk doctor
ordered some tests to see if anything came back abnormal. I couldn’t even pronounce
the names of the tests. Want to know some advice, don’t read results if you are
not familiar with them. As soon as I got an email they were posted, I tried to
read them. I convinced myself something was wrong. I called the doctor right
away. The nurse said she would have to call me back because she didn’t get the
results yet. Those twenty minutes seemed like a lifetime. She said they were
still waiting on some results but everything that came back was normal.
However, I wasn’t convinced. I came home crying and your dad called the doctor
again. They assured us everything was normal. I am just afraid that I am
broken.
Love,
Mom
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