October 15th was pregnancy and infant loss remembrance day. Actually, this whole month is dedicated to Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. I had no idea until I started doing research. I may have never known about this awareness if you had been here. I am trying my best to get the word out. I think I did pretty well on October 15th when I posted a video about stillborns. I saw a couple people write posts about it. Many friends and family prayed for you that day. It was so overwhelming the next day when I got all the notifications.
On the 15th I bought a balloon. I originally tried to find a plain pink one. I couldn't find one so I got one that said baby. I wrote your name on it and we love you. It made Dad really sad when he got home. He cried. It wasn't my intention to make him cry. I wanted to let it go when he got home as a way to remember you that day. It was very emotional as we let it go. We joked it would get caught on the house and it almost did. We also lit a candle for you. It was an emotional day but those things helped. It was a way to remember you that I would like to continue. Your plaque should be almost done at Virtua. I hope to visit it often.
We have an appointment this week for a therapist. I am hoping it will help with the grieving process. While I seem like I am doing OK on the outside, I am SO SAD inside. I try to hold it together so people do not worry about me.
I miss you.
Love,
Mom
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