The background

Dear Hope,

Your Dad and I were always on different pages when it came to starting a family. He wanted to start a family as soon as we were married. I on the other hand, wanted to wait. We were still young and had our whole lives in front of us. I wanted to travel and see the world. It sounds cliché and I don’t mean we needed to visit every country but I wanted to see the Eiffel Tower or Italy. I wanted time to spend with Dad because I knew a baby would change everything. It’s all about the baby when you start a family. I did understand your Dad’s point of view though. We are high school sweet hearts so we had plenty of time together. We did go on vacations and spent many days (years) together as just us. I think I was just being selfish. I think a part of me was afraid of change. I knew our lives would never be the same and I was slightly scared. I had a routine and I enjoyed that routine. 

During our honeymoon (October 2014) we talked about waiting a year to start a family. I think Dad was just saying that to please me but I thought it was sincere. We did get into little arguments after the honeymoon because he admitted he only said that to make me happy. He really did want to start a family right away. Your Dad is great with kids and maybe that is another reason why I was scared. I didn’t have much experience with kids and never connected with them as I got older. My mom had a daycare when I was younger and I loved it. I was great with babies but when she went stopped the daycare, I was never around little kids anymore. 

The beginning of January (2015) was rough because I was extremely sick. Usually I get sick once or twice a year and I am done. I think this was the first time I was ever this sick. On top of that, we were dealing with house issues. At that moment, I thought I was being punished because 2012, 2013 and 2014 were such amazing years.

Finally at the end of January, I was starting to feel better. I was also off of birth control because we discussed starting a family at some point in 2015. We weren’t trying but also weren’t preventing pregnancy. I remember the day we conceived you because I was hesitant and Dad said “we will be fine”. We often joke about it because it only takes one time sometimes. This was the first time we were together since I was off birth control and wasn’t sick. 

For the next month, I had really bad pains. I thought my monthly friend was coming because I wasn’t use to cramps. While on birth control, I hardly got my period. So I just assumed it was cramps. On a random day, while at the gym, I got dizzy and felt like I had to throw up. My first reaction was, I just came from a good Zumba workout and didn’t have a snack earlier. However, a part of me thought maybe I was pregnant. Even though I was use to no periods, I never got one in February. I bought a test that night and sure enough, I was pregnant! 

The test was flat out positive. I think deep down I thought it would be questionable. Sometimes you hear about people taking tests and not being able to tell the answer. Not for me! The test was 100% positive. I didn’t tell your Dad that night. I wanted to take another test just to make sure.

Until next time,
Mom

Fishing - 2006

Our Wedding Day 10/04/14

Our Honeymoon 10/06/14